Memo to Self

Don't make life decisions for yourself.  Watch the idiots you're related to "decide" for you.  After all, according to my mother, she has more experience in these matters because she's been on this earth longer. 

Frankly, i smile, nod, tell them all to go to hell, and deal with things on my own.

No one really wants to support anyone else in this world.  They simply want to feel in control.  No one cares about your outcome.  They only care about their own and the inconvienence you present by altering their current circumstances.

In otherwords, don't die without their permission.  Families tend to get pretty pissed about that one.

Take mine for example.  My mother's brother is dying.  Notice how i didn't say "uncle"?  I won't either.  Haven't called that man uncle since the day his now ex-wife went drug-induced psychopath and pointed a .9 revolver in my face.  Yea, my mother was all scared and crying.  Outside and accross the street.  My baby sister and i went in after the other kids in the house.  We were told to "get your cousins out of there" and we did.  Those kids are still my cousins, but i stopped with the whole "uncle" and "aunt" nonsense that particular night before dawn.

So, the fool is dying.  He's always been an alchie and pill-popper.  Trust me when i say we haven't been down the road of "your uncle is in the hospital again" just a few times.  We've been down this road many times.  I babysit.  The family wails.  Finally, he's been declared terminal.

I breated a sigh of relief.

Of course, when i didn't freak out like everyone else, it was immediately decided something must be wrong with me.  I'm apparently not "processing my emotions" according to another sibling of my mother's, who holds a masters in art and is a high school art teacher, so she is obviously an expert.  These people can't seem to get through their heads, i'm already at peace with all of it.

See, when you stop thinking of someone as family.  When you stop feeling in your soul that someone is connected to you, they've already died in a sense.  After that, it's pretty much like hearing about a neighbor you knew growing up has died, is sick, is dying, etc.  You nod and express condolences to the family.  Even when you actually share genetic material with that family.  Because he's not my family, but still theirs.

I can be reasonable.  To an extent.  Do they realize, if they keep this up, i will lose my filter and they will all get burned?  Probably not or they would back off and simply let me babysit with no questions asked or accusations thrown.

Seriously.

Is it any wonder at all why people get a DNR?  Or even a living will?  Families get far too concerned about themselves and stop giving a damn about the person in the bed.  Oh, sure, they'll "miss" them when they're gone.  I'm quite sure families have the market cornered on carrying on and lamenting.

I just don't understand why it is when we're dying, they can't hear us...

Let the man die.  He knows he brought this on himself.

I'll watch your kids for the funeral.

Adios.