Honestly, does anyone have a clue? A real one? I sure don't and it has me feeling a little lost and concerned.
I went to my sister's house today to hang out because i was in need of some socialization. Instead, i wind up babysitting so she can "get out of the house". Ironically, this is exactly why i don't generally go to visit her. I'm always being asked for something or another. Usually before i've even had the chance to really walk in the door.
So, i sit and wonder, what the hell was i thinking? Seriously.
I gets better since my younger brother was also at my sister's house. Presumably to watch the child in question since my sister needed to get loose from her home. So, without asking me if i was okay with it, he then makes plans and goes out. Leaving me with my sister's offspring until whatever time someone decides to come home. Because i obviously have no life to get back to.
Don't people know they at least would like to be asked? As if they are actually considered in some way even when they aren't really?
People suck. Truly.
I should've stayed at home. At least i would be getting to do what i want that way. I could asked myself if i wanted to do whatever. At the very least i would be considered...
/rant
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
In the Here and Now
In regards to certain past events... It's likely i'm guilty. Of living my life to the best possible i can. Triumphs as well as failures. That's life. Seriously. People who can't accept that from me, or anyone, well, they're the ones lacking in personality. Not me.
How can it be possible to remain anonymous online anymore? Gods, even my in-laws are considering creating a online profile via social networking! Shocked? Don't be. My kids have friends who have their grandparents as online friends. It's not a huge stretch of the imagination anymore.
I want to say some things, but the words keep leaving me blank with a lump in my throat. I feel empty of expression, yet violated by emotion. Is there a way to break this block? I have no idea.
A while back, i developed what i thought was a minor case of writers' block. Um, i'm still blocked. At least i finally know what made me get all stopped up and unable to write. My family began to enter the world of online social networking. Scary, huh? Doubly so when you consider i've never had the courage to rid myself of them.
So, suddenly everything online became available to my family. Everything of mine. Hell, i kind of felt like the internet belonged to me in a sense. After all, i've always been the only one (from my relatives) here for nearly two decades. Even my husband of 15 years didn't join online social networking until a few years ago! ^_^
Now, the people who humiliated me, abused me, and neglected my very being for the sake of themselves, are here, in my realm. The place i had finally found the peace and quiet i so badly needed. The place where i finally learned the one thing that helped me find my real life voice. Online i had learned i wasn't alone.
Except, nothing's changed really. My family acts online as they do in their daily lives. Only, now i get bullied online as well as off. I never thought i would truly be able to understand the affects of cyberbullying and face-to-face bullying in such vivid realism. I'm in my thirties and it's hard to deal with. I admire the teens who are able to handle it and persevere. I feel even worse for the teens who parents don't step in to protect them though. We can protect our children, even as teenagers, yet there is no way to really protect ourselves.
Too sad.
Oh, sheesh, i've spent this whole time basically complaining. I'll get over it. After all, i have to.
How can it be possible to remain anonymous online anymore? Gods, even my in-laws are considering creating a online profile via social networking! Shocked? Don't be. My kids have friends who have their grandparents as online friends. It's not a huge stretch of the imagination anymore.
I want to say some things, but the words keep leaving me blank with a lump in my throat. I feel empty of expression, yet violated by emotion. Is there a way to break this block? I have no idea.
A while back, i developed what i thought was a minor case of writers' block. Um, i'm still blocked. At least i finally know what made me get all stopped up and unable to write. My family began to enter the world of online social networking. Scary, huh? Doubly so when you consider i've never had the courage to rid myself of them.
So, suddenly everything online became available to my family. Everything of mine. Hell, i kind of felt like the internet belonged to me in a sense. After all, i've always been the only one (from my relatives) here for nearly two decades. Even my husband of 15 years didn't join online social networking until a few years ago! ^_^
Now, the people who humiliated me, abused me, and neglected my very being for the sake of themselves, are here, in my realm. The place i had finally found the peace and quiet i so badly needed. The place where i finally learned the one thing that helped me find my real life voice. Online i had learned i wasn't alone.
Except, nothing's changed really. My family acts online as they do in their daily lives. Only, now i get bullied online as well as off. I never thought i would truly be able to understand the affects of cyberbullying and face-to-face bullying in such vivid realism. I'm in my thirties and it's hard to deal with. I admire the teens who are able to handle it and persevere. I feel even worse for the teens who parents don't step in to protect them though. We can protect our children, even as teenagers, yet there is no way to really protect ourselves.
Too sad.
Oh, sheesh, i've spent this whole time basically complaining. I'll get over it. After all, i have to.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
In another time.
Feeling the blues doesn't even begin to cover it. I work and i work, but... nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. No way.
The only way i get my husband's attention in any way is to either spend money or cheat on him. Neither of which is an option at this moment.
Nearly fifteen years and this is all that ever got him to focus on me. I should've known better. There is no such thing as happy once we see reality. Once we get too old to let our dreams, hopes, and wishes blind us to what is actual.
I'll be a little old to enter the dating scene once my kids are grown, but at least i'll have fun for a time. Even if it isn't what i actually want for the rest of my life.
It's all too sad for words and my words leave me.
The only way i get my husband's attention in any way is to either spend money or cheat on him. Neither of which is an option at this moment.
Nearly fifteen years and this is all that ever got him to focus on me. I should've known better. There is no such thing as happy once we see reality. Once we get too old to let our dreams, hopes, and wishes blind us to what is actual.
I'll be a little old to enter the dating scene once my kids are grown, but at least i'll have fun for a time. Even if it isn't what i actually want for the rest of my life.
It's all too sad for words and my words leave me.
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