In the Here and Now

In regards to certain past events... It's likely i'm guilty. Of living my life to the best possible i can. Triumphs as well as failures. That's life. Seriously. People who can't accept that from me, or anyone, well, they're the ones lacking in personality. Not me.

How can it be possible to remain anonymous online anymore? Gods, even my in-laws are considering creating a online profile via social networking! Shocked? Don't be. My kids have friends who have their grandparents as online friends. It's not a huge stretch of the imagination anymore.

I want to say some things, but the words keep leaving me blank with a lump in my throat. I feel empty of expression, yet violated by emotion. Is there a way to break this block? I have no idea.

A while back, i developed what i thought was a minor case of writers' block. Um, i'm still blocked. At least i finally know what made me get all stopped up and unable to write. My family began to enter the world of online social networking. Scary, huh? Doubly so when you consider i've never had the courage to rid myself of them.

So, suddenly everything online became available to my family. Everything of mine. Hell, i kind of felt like the internet belonged to me in a sense. After all, i've always been the only one (from my relatives) here for nearly two decades. Even my husband of 15 years didn't join online social networking until a few years ago! ^_^

Now, the people who humiliated me, abused me, and neglected my very being for the sake of themselves, are here, in my realm. The place i had finally found the peace and quiet i so badly needed. The place where i finally learned the one thing that helped me find my real life voice. Online i had learned i wasn't alone.

Except, nothing's changed really. My family acts online as they do in their daily lives. Only, now i get bullied online as well as off. I never thought i would truly be able to understand the affects of cyberbullying and face-to-face bullying in such vivid realism. I'm in my thirties and it's hard to deal with. I admire the teens who are able to handle it and persevere. I feel even worse for the teens who parents don't step in to protect them though. We can protect our children, even as teenagers, yet there is no way to really protect ourselves.

Too sad.

Oh, sheesh, i've spent this whole time basically complaining. I'll get over it. After all, i have to.