I thought about it.

In the mornings, i go to sleep.  I fight the nightmares by refusing to meet them in the night.  The fighting doesn't end.

There was a place in time when i thought i had finally come to the place i could be all my life.  Friends, hard and good times, joys, troubles, etc.  All the things we need to not be lonely in our lifetime.

I was wrong.

People fade.  Times pass into history.  Frankly, things change.  Always.

Years ago i wouldn't have guessed that lonely could feel good.  I relish it now.  Lonely means i'm not wasting my time putting up with other people's nonsense.  I don't have to hold their hands while they decide to act like adults instead of squabbling teenagers who can't find their way out of a box.

Then again...  It's probably my own fault.  I invest too easily because i want to be able to trust.  I want to be trusted.  I want friendships...  Wow.  It is my own fault...  Ouch.

The plague was actually an intellectual creation.  Long before deseased rats began killing off the human population, great thinkers were pondering.  Thoughts.  About everything.  Literally.

Problem with great thinkers is they aren't revered until they're dead and their estate never gets any royalties.  It blows really.  We thinkers spend our entire lives wondering thoughts that wander into our heads.  We're told we're nuts, we need something to occupy us, why don't we think about something "real"...  The downgrading remarks of those who don't believe thinking to be of any use.  Of course, if thinkers didn't think, Edison wouldn't have come up with the light bulb from the idea, reasearch, and failings of Bell and Franklin.

Exactly.

You people who want to tell us we're wasting our time thinking probably ought to look at your electric light bulbs around your home and wonder why your personal one isn't on.

Frankly, i'm tired of being told i'm bonkers.  To find something "real" to do with my time?!  Are we serious?

My thinking has made me a better person, a better parent, a better friend...

If i follow others' theory about thinking and how it's apparently bonkers, then, well, according to their assumptions, friendships are for those who can't/won't/don't think.  I guess they believe friendships are for the simple-minded.  Themselves.

So, i had a friend tell me i can't manage to "keep" friends in my life because i think too much and am thus too serious for people who come into my life to "handle".  So they flee.  Okay.  I can buy that.  Just means i need to find myself some friends who can think, too.

Yea, those who are no longer in my life left behind hurt.  Well, it happens whenever you care about someone.  I care.  Maybe too much.  I don't ever think about that though.  Sometimes i think maybe i misjudged people as being worth my time or not in hindsight.  However, i will never regret loving someone.  Nor will i think about it.  Love, unconditional and freely given, can't hurt anyone.  It enriches our lives and makes the path towards the end just that much gentler.  Love is never wasted.

So, when you think, don't forget.  Act.  Without action, you can't achieve what you've been pondering.  ~_^

Think.  Be.  Live.