You said "I love you".

There's a whole lot of nonsense about loving someone, letting them go, and them coming back to you.

Honestly, who believes such drivel? I do. Well, the spirit of it anyway.

It takes tremendous courage to let someone leave you.

Because that is what they are essentially doing.

They are leaving you. And it's terrifying.

To fully allow the exit of someone from our lives.
To silently live with the hope that they'll one day return, but knowing they most likely won't.

It's painful. Very.

Because you can't help but to hope.

That they'll want you again.

Because "I can't be that bad of a person, can i?" is always there. Always.

We need them to need us.

Please need me.

To have the courage to leave...

To live with the terror of not knowing...

To bear the pain of losing them...

I need you.

Maybe we aren't meant to understand.
Maybe it isn't possible.
Maybe things simply get too big. And we have to walk away for a time.
Maybe that's good for us.

If life were scripted, you and i would be together.

Always and forever.

You say things so much better than me. I fail tog ive my feelings adequate words. I can't convey and i come off seeming to be superficial and murky.

I can never find the words i need when what i am saying is so very important.

She is my muse...

All she had to say was "I love you" and the words become mundane. Lost. Even to me.

The magic of words.

Time is needed.
Time is constant yet fickle of each individual's company.
Time is short, yet endless.

We didn't get enough time. Could that be our failing? We believed we had all the time in the world. We were selfish and began to squander what had been so precious to us. In that, we also began to covet each other's time - the time when we were apart...

Could be we forgot the easy, quiet because we foolishly believed we to work for all that is great in our lives. Trouble is, there is no realizing how much greater was our simple existence together.

We allowed the world to dictate and change what we thought WE should be. We let ourselves believe the world's view of us instead of just being what we had always been... us.

I needed a lifetime, yet you wanted forever. It took so long to realize we were seeking the same thing.

I still need you.

That's the trouble with letting go...

We aren't supposed to say those things anymore...

Not even to ourselves...

I think.

We can't help what we feel.

I thought about it.

In the mornings, i go to sleep.  I fight the nightmares by refusing to meet them in the night.  The fighting doesn't end.

There was a place in time when i thought i had finally come to the place i could be all my life.  Friends, hard and good times, joys, troubles, etc.  All the things we need to not be lonely in our lifetime.

I was wrong.

People fade.  Times pass into history.  Frankly, things change.  Always.

Years ago i wouldn't have guessed that lonely could feel good.  I relish it now.  Lonely means i'm not wasting my time putting up with other people's nonsense.  I don't have to hold their hands while they decide to act like adults instead of squabbling teenagers who can't find their way out of a box.

Then again...  It's probably my own fault.  I invest too easily because i want to be able to trust.  I want to be trusted.  I want friendships...  Wow.  It is my own fault...  Ouch.

The plague was actually an intellectual creation.  Long before deseased rats began killing off the human population, great thinkers were pondering.  Thoughts.  About everything.  Literally.

Problem with great thinkers is they aren't revered until they're dead and their estate never gets any royalties.  It blows really.  We thinkers spend our entire lives wondering thoughts that wander into our heads.  We're told we're nuts, we need something to occupy us, why don't we think about something "real"...  The downgrading remarks of those who don't believe thinking to be of any use.  Of course, if thinkers didn't think, Edison wouldn't have come up with the light bulb from the idea, reasearch, and failings of Bell and Franklin.

Exactly.

You people who want to tell us we're wasting our time thinking probably ought to look at your electric light bulbs around your home and wonder why your personal one isn't on.

Frankly, i'm tired of being told i'm bonkers.  To find something "real" to do with my time?!  Are we serious?

My thinking has made me a better person, a better parent, a better friend...

If i follow others' theory about thinking and how it's apparently bonkers, then, well, according to their assumptions, friendships are for those who can't/won't/don't think.  I guess they believe friendships are for the simple-minded.  Themselves.

So, i had a friend tell me i can't manage to "keep" friends in my life because i think too much and am thus too serious for people who come into my life to "handle".  So they flee.  Okay.  I can buy that.  Just means i need to find myself some friends who can think, too.

Yea, those who are no longer in my life left behind hurt.  Well, it happens whenever you care about someone.  I care.  Maybe too much.  I don't ever think about that though.  Sometimes i think maybe i misjudged people as being worth my time or not in hindsight.  However, i will never regret loving someone.  Nor will i think about it.  Love, unconditional and freely given, can't hurt anyone.  It enriches our lives and makes the path towards the end just that much gentler.  Love is never wasted.

So, when you think, don't forget.  Act.  Without action, you can't achieve what you've been pondering.  ~_^

Think.  Be.  Live.