A rose and a memory.

The feel of your skin against mine.

Soft.

Warm.

Familiar.

You.

The hug as we part in farewell always last longer than "just friends".  It's our signature.  They way we convince ourselves we're doing the right thing by being apart.  How we tell ourselves to let go this one more time.  Even though it is getting harder and harder to let go.  For us both.

We fit so perfectly together in each other's arms.  Our bodies aligned.  Head to toe.  As if we were made to fit together exactly right every single time we touch.

The urge to reach out and touch you is nearly impossible to resist.  Do you really feel it?  Or am i falling into wishful thinking?  Mayhap i was only dreaming you in the first place...

A desire to be near.

A need to be closer.

A want to be just us.

Only us.

Without the world looking in...

     ...commenting...

     ...persuading...

     ...needing...

     ...talking...

     ...wanting...

     ...provoking...

Us.

Only us.

The world with all it's talk and opinion of what "is" and what "should be" between us.

Do you remember letting the world into us?

Do those shattered pieces of dreams and memories burn you still?

I'm waiting for the silence to come again.  The one you bring and i never have the courage to break.  The silence you need to create because you can't allow the feelings to fill you up.

I know what would happen if you let me fill you with my love...

You would depise yourself because you believe me not good enough for you since i'm not your ideal partner, and you would hate me for loving you so much.

After all, there has to be something, someone better for you, doesn't there?

I believe you deserve so much amazement and fulfillment...
So much more than i can give...

I admit, i settled.
You should never be tamed or tied down.
My baggage is so very heavy...

Will you regret?

Please forgive yourself when i am gone.

After all...
I agreed with your decision...
I let you leave me...
I didn't fight hard enough to keep you...
I was never good enough for you...

Please.  Forgive me.

Forgive yourself.

The sound of your voice took me to the ghosts of memories i have forgotten...

I want to never forget anything about you...
...yet i forget because there is so much time between memories now...

I know you need things to be this way, but maybe you could forgive me when i don't remember something?

I never forget my love for you.  It's part of my soul.  Our memories together are merely details which decorate my love for you.

Memory fades...

In time, all memory fades...

Some day, you will forget to come to me...

Then, i will begin to fade from your memories...

You are my beloved one.

My only beloved.

For all time.

My beloved is lost...

You forgot something when you left...

While you were busy running away and being noble, you forgot something...

In all your reasons of why you couldn't love me as i love you, you forgot something...

When touting your truth as absolute and only, you forgot something...

You forgot about me.

Hovering ever near the surface, plain as the nose on your face, was the lie you told yourself every single day.  All that time... you spent so much time trying to convince yourself that you weren't in love with me... so you robbed us of any chance at the life together we both needed.  We deserved to be happy... together.

You're searching for the perfect forever instead of the one who fits to you perfectly.

You have no notice of the one whose faults balance your own.  You search for one without fault in your eyes.

You left me behind...
Because of my ignorance...
Because of your arrogance...

Maybe there is a better person for you out there.  I hope so.

Of course, maybe i'm the chance you lost.

I hope you get another go.

I didn't.

You said "I love you".

There's a whole lot of nonsense about loving someone, letting them go, and them coming back to you.

Honestly, who believes such drivel? I do. Well, the spirit of it anyway.

It takes tremendous courage to let someone leave you.

Because that is what they are essentially doing.

They are leaving you. And it's terrifying.

To fully allow the exit of someone from our lives.
To silently live with the hope that they'll one day return, but knowing they most likely won't.

It's painful. Very.

Because you can't help but to hope.

That they'll want you again.

Because "I can't be that bad of a person, can i?" is always there. Always.

We need them to need us.

Please need me.

To have the courage to leave...

To live with the terror of not knowing...

To bear the pain of losing them...

I need you.

Maybe we aren't meant to understand.
Maybe it isn't possible.
Maybe things simply get too big. And we have to walk away for a time.
Maybe that's good for us.

If life were scripted, you and i would be together.

Always and forever.

You say things so much better than me. I fail tog ive my feelings adequate words. I can't convey and i come off seeming to be superficial and murky.

I can never find the words i need when what i am saying is so very important.

She is my muse...

All she had to say was "I love you" and the words become mundane. Lost. Even to me.

The magic of words.

Time is needed.
Time is constant yet fickle of each individual's company.
Time is short, yet endless.

We didn't get enough time. Could that be our failing? We believed we had all the time in the world. We were selfish and began to squander what had been so precious to us. In that, we also began to covet each other's time - the time when we were apart...

Could be we forgot the easy, quiet because we foolishly believed we to work for all that is great in our lives. Trouble is, there is no realizing how much greater was our simple existence together.

We allowed the world to dictate and change what we thought WE should be. We let ourselves believe the world's view of us instead of just being what we had always been... us.

I needed a lifetime, yet you wanted forever. It took so long to realize we were seeking the same thing.

I still need you.

That's the trouble with letting go...

We aren't supposed to say those things anymore...

Not even to ourselves...

I think.

We can't help what we feel.